I think it's about time I updated you on the current state of my love life. If you read my thoughts on staying single, you know I'm prioritizing myself and my career over finding a relationship. This does not mean I've dismissed the possibility of finding someone special, it's just not my focus.
You'd also know, I deactivated my online profiles in January, but have since been sharing stories from some of the many memorable dates I had last year, mostly thanks to OkCupid. You might not know, I typically write about dates that happened at least six months ago in effort to protect my privacy as well as the identity of those I choose to write about. My aim is not to bash any past dates/lovers, but simply to share my stories in hopes that some will find them relatable or simply entertaining. Navigating the dating world in this digital age comes with it's own set of obstacles and frustrations, while conversely, allows for some amazing connections and experiences that would otherwise not be possible. Anyone who's tried online dating can likely understand the struggle. It's cathartic for me to recount these experiences, the process gives me closure as it brings to light the positive, the lessons learned, friends gained, and a story I can share. People come into our lives for a reason, the length of time sometimes fleeting and other times permanent, the effect sometimes slight and other times impactful or life-changing; we never know until it's time to move on.
I should also mention, I did not originally enter into the world of online dating in attempt to dig up blog fodder; I was looking for a genuine connection. It was an unfortunate series of events that followed which inspired me to share my plight after coming to the realization that if my friends, family and coworkers found my tales relatable, maddening, endearing, unusual, and often hilarious, so might others; hence, Tuesday Tales. Those who follow regularly, know I'm also into art, music, fashion, yoga, cooking, exploring superfoods and local restaurants, getting thrifty, saving money, holistic approaches to health and self-care, the path to self betterment, delving into ourselves and finding our passions, all while keeping our health, sanity and well-being a top priority. That's what I'm about and why I'm passionate about this blog, why I stay up late writing, and dedicating my spare time to building this nook of digital space, full of recipes, stories, tips, and human experiences- it's in hope that I might inspire, enlighten or encourage another. We're all navigating a world that's been broadened with immediate and constant access to new technologies that aid in limitless innovation, access to both global and local connections, and also, new rules, new systems. Online dating is a natural result of this phenomenon, that I believe has credence, and I'm here to explore these ideas and share my experiences with you.
After giving up online dating, I actually started meeting a lot of people in real life. Shocking, I know. That being said, three of them were well over 40 and one was a mere 20. While I understand that age loses importance as we mature, I didn't feel a strong enough connection with any of these men to justify continuing the relationship and navigating that gap. I did however open myself up to the possibility, and gave it a try, because why not. The experience is what got me thinking about online dating again; the filtering options do make it easier to rule out things you aren't looking for, though don't necessarily make it easy to find what you are looking for. The struggle... It's impossible to ascertain a person's energy or compatibility through a sampling of photographs, manipulated descriptions and brief commentary that aims to explain, owl we are. (pun intended) That's not to say you shouldn't try; if love is your goal, don't ever give up. Do be aware that it might take some time, many dates, and lessons learned before you find what you're looking for and also, a healthy and confident self is necessary in building a strong foundation for any relationship.
outfit details: hat, ananda | chambray top, anthropologie | jeans, lucky brand | flats, lucky brand | necklace, thrifted |
I have kept true to my word, and since deactivating my love life, I've been spending the majority of my free time pouring my heart into this blog. I've been working away for a little over three months and managed to compile a decent array of content. I felt it time to begin looking into ways to market this blog outside of just organically promoting my posts to my personal social channels. Before I started the blog, I thought that the nature of my content would be more appealing to women, but since inception, I've been getting equal if not more positive reactions from men. This led me to believe that the men are interested in a woman's perspective when it comes to my dating advice and stories, and perhaps my tips on budgeting, recipes and random thoughts are appealing to both genders as well. Keeping a close watch on my analytics, the most popular content has been largely my stories and advice when it comes to my experience with online dating.
These factors spurred my decision to reactivate my online dating profiles last week as part of my marketing strategy and a bit of a social experiment. The main goal is to connect with an audience and share my stories, not to find my future husband, BUT I'm also not dismissing the possibility of someone piquing my interest. After some backlash from angry OkCupiders since implementing this tactic, I felt compelled to make one point very clear- in no way am I trying to devalue online dating; in fact, quite the opposite. I chose to write about my experiences because I believe in the validity of this method for finding and developing real connections. I make a living communicating via the internet and I know these connections to be equally valid, sometimes more even so, than connections we make on the ground. The anonymity of a computer screen allows people to feel more comfortable opening up, allowing themselves to be vulnerable and sharing with others. For introverts like myself, immersed in career paths that don't allow for much time to socialize, it facilitates another way to connect with others.
Since reactivating and plugging my blog to the pool of single men in Los Angeles I've received some interesting feedback. To be candid, I'm asking potential suitors to follow me on my social networks in exchange for the possibility (with absolutely no guarantee) of a date. In less than a week I've received over 600 messages and the traffic on my site has grown by 999%. I've had dozens of new followers who seems enthusiastic about continuing to follow along, whether or not a date happens, while others admit their discomfort with the whole idea. The most common response I've received is people relating to my experience with lots of dates and little success, likely due to the difficulty in deciphering what a person is really like based upon what they chose to include in their profile. I've also had an offer to fly to Hawaii, countless drink and dinner invitations, lots of 'hi sexy', plenty of 'don't give up, you haven't met me yet' and then others quite angered that I've chosen OkCupid as a vehicle to promote my personal blog. As I'm slowly working my way through reading the messages, I've gained much insight in relation to the male opinion when it comes to dating, online or otherwise. Some have even been bold enough to share their hypotheses on why perhaps I haven't been successful, which has been entertaining to say the least. I've been reading, listening and allowing the differing views to lend better understanding of the male perspective, which I believe will help as I continue to write and offer advice to my readers.
So that about sums up the update on my love life; it's not glamorous, but it's certainly been interesting. I haven't given up, I still believe in love, but I want real love- something pure and simple, not this twisted, tangled muck we all swim in time to time, and I'm willing to wait. If I don't feel a spark, I'm quick to move on because I'm in a good place, focused and excited for what the future holds. I'm open to finding someone special, as we all should be, and I'm certain that at some point the content of my Tuesday Tales will evolve. Until that happens, I'll keep sharing updates as I journey in hopes that my stories make you smile, feel less alone, or encourage you to take a leap of faith and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Thanks for reading and following along, it means the world.
Xo,
Lindsey